Last week, I shared how courage comes before confidence. You probably already know that but are you practicing it every day? As John Wayne describes courage in his famous quote, “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” Just like we aren’t born with the ability to walk or run, finding courage and building your confidence takes baby steps along with kindness and patience with yourself. It’s a process and well worth the efforts to look inside in order to look better on the outside!
I’m here to help guide you through the process by breaking it down into 3 key elements that will unlock your confidence. Think of these elements as building blocks that work in harmony with each other. Let’s get started with a quote and then I’ll share how I found my courage to build my confidence, so you can too!
“Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.” – Doug Larson, American newspaper columnist
After you LOL, let’s get serious for a moment and set a baseline definition via Wikipedia, so you can pave your new path and build your confidence. Heredity is the passing of traits to offspring from its parents or ancestor.
1. Heredity. I’m going to share something very personal with you in order to help you figure out the first key. My mother had many excellent traits, but she did not have confidence. This is what shaped me and set me up for the same path in life. Thankfully, I finally realized this (in my 40’s – better late, then never!) and decided to take action. I acknowledged this very hard truth and I shared my truth with a small trusted circle, then I forgave and gained power through self-awareness. Are you ready to admit your truth, forgive your most influential role model because they weren’t aware of any other way of being, and break the cycle? If so, move to the next step. If not, bookmark this blog and think some more.
2. Self-awareness. Understand that confidence is like a muscle, and that you can build it stronger, better and faster one day at a time through self-awareness. Pay attention to your thoughts. You know those little voices in your head, good and bad. Pay attention to the actions your thoughts create. Finally, pay attention to your results – good or bad – for each action. For one week record what those little voices in your head said, your actions and then your results for each day on a sheet of blank paper. Review at the end of the week. You’ll easily recognize a pattern here and finally get tired of hearing the bad voices. One day at a time for seven days. After your week, you’ll be ready to simplify!
3. Simplicity. With heredity knowledge and self-awareness action under your belt, you should have figured out what disguise your confidence is wearing. Fear of public speaking, justification, fear of success, fear of failure, excuses, etc. Now the outfit won’t fit the new you and those voices won’t be as loud and frequent, but they will still be there. Listen to what weighs heavily on your mind, the thing that feeds your confidence monster. Now you can get rid of anything that fed the monster and any activities that aren’t helping you feel good about yourself. Keep peeling away the layers you don’t need and keep taking things off your plate instead of adding ‘oulda’ lists (should of, could of, would of). Let it go. This is your ticket to simplicity and what will allow you to receive more goodness in life, but only after you shed those voices and those layers. Remember this is a process, so be kind and patient with yourself. Simplicity allows a more confident YOU to emerge.
BTW – My old lack of confidence had 2 disguises, one popped up after another, so listen to the loudest voice to discover what your main outfit looks like. Then get naked. I mean come clean and get rid of that outfit that no longer looks good on you. It is so worth the shedding, as it helps you feel free and feel light. What I have termed “Healthy Confidence.” You are now free to be YOU.
If you wanna fly simply let go of the things weighing you down and go. #confidence
via @madi_pelfrey on twitter
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