Today I locked myself in a conference room for four hours with nothing to do but face myself, my beliefs, my thoughts, and my actions. Scared. Humbled. Shocked. These are the three words that describe how I’m feeling right now, after struggling the last four years as a startup. Can I even call myself a startup anymore? I’m certainly not a “real” business yet … so, what do I call myself? An in-between business? Actually, who cares what I call it. I never liked labels anyway since they immediately set up false boundaries and limit your perception of possibilities.
What I am, and always will be, is a W.I.P. (Work In Progress.) A term I really like because it contains unlimited possibilities.
The last four years have been spent in a sandbox, not with my head in the sand, but messing around in a sandbox with no guide or rule book. I was in the sandbox working out my top two fears that, unbeknownst to me, would arrive one after another. The first was fear of public speaking followed by fear of success. During the second year, I conquered my first fear and became a joyful paid speaker. Even ended up putting fifteen seminars, ten public events, two private engagements and one video series under my belt by the end of year three. That’s when my fear of success popped its ugly head up in full view. I had seen glimpses of this monster before, but never via a 360 degree view. After finally understanding that my “new” plan for success wasn’t “new” or different, I realized I didn’t want to continue playing this game anymore, so this monster was hungry. My tricks were the same, just the outfits and words had changed. No bueno.
Once I looked at this ugly monster straight in the face and confessed my reality to a close, trusted friend, there was no more denying this harsh truth and no more feeding this monster.
Here I sit today, all by myself, in this conference room during the third hour facing the music and ready to make a BIG decision. To let go. I’m going to let go of the last four years and not worry about what could have been, should have been or would have been if only I had more confidence. Yes, confidence was the problem here. Lack of confidence disguised as a fear of public speaking or fear of success or fear of rejection or whatever outfit you want to put on it. After facing my fears head-on combined with a lot of introspection and self-awareness, I have healthy confidence now and am ready to finally forge ahead onward and upward to the next level of success!
Today, on March 14, 2014 I have declared confidence as my nemesis and have decided to dedicate my time helping others locate and starve their confidence monster, so they, too, can Power up!® But it must be sooner than later in order to reduce the amount of casualties in this exhausting and dangerous struggle. If you are still reading, then yes, you can relate to this challenge to achieve healthy confidence. It is more common than people make it seem. I can assure you that you are not alone in this fight, but you do need to speak up and admit that you need help. Contrary to traditional female messaging, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.
Like Katy Perry sings in her awesome song Firework “There’s a spark in you. You’ve just got to ignite the light and let it shine, just own the night, like the 4th of July ’cause baby you’re a firework. Come on show them what you’re worth…Come on let your colors burst…You don’t have to feel like a wasted space. You’re original, cannot be replaced. Maybe your reason why all the doors were closed, so you could open another one that leads you to a perfect room. Boom. Boom. Boom.”